dealing with jealousy
I’ve been dealing with feelings of jealousy lately. Towards friends who are in a great relationship and towards my ex who chose another man above me. Although I don’t show it on the outside it is starting to undermine my core happiness from the inside and my embodiment of love I try to represent. I know it is bad and therefore I’m writing this article for myself in the future. I’ll include tips, tricks, quotes whatever to deal with envy. This way I can cure myself instantly when I notice feelings of jealousy bubbling up. It is pure poison that corrodes your heart from the inside.
Basically, what being envious of someone else means is that you find a certain person to be more valuable than you are at that moment in time. There are pretty much three standards by which we compare ourselves with others, They are;
- The first standard is jealousy – Which is putting yourself below someone else,
This one is fairly common as people tend to base their confidence on external factors like I described in a previous post titled “The Secret To Core Confidence”, What they’ll tend to do then is to bring down other people instead of lifting themselves up. Always focus on improving yourself if you’re feeling jealous (only when the jealousy actually has a legitimate reason!)
- The second one is confidence – Recognizing that yourself and others are equally valuable.
It is ok to perceive yourself as different and better at certain skills/traits than someone else but that doesn’t make you more valuable (a,k,a, a better person), This is one of the hardest paradigms I had to accept to get core confidence (not based on narcissism nor external factors) Everyone has their own unique value and talents, you might not find them so but remember that value is subjective.
- The third one is narcissism – Thinking you have superior value compared to someone else.
This is one of the cheapest way to feel good about yourself, Just saying that you are the best at everything and a greater human being will grant you confidence alright but this is based on ego and not truth. People who are narcissistic can’t keep long-term relationships and often find themselves alone in life. Aim for the narrow road between jealousy and narcissism.
How To Regain Confidence
Confidence is something really weird since it is very subjective. You can be confident in one moment and self-conscious the other. It is a belief about your subjective value. Like all beliefs, confidence is supported by reference experiences.
With external confidence you’ll feel better when you are achieving more than the person you’re comparing yourself with. With core confidence you’ll always feel valuable because who you are never changes.
I’ve said it before, but I’m going to say it again.
“Real value comes forth out of who you are, not what you are”
Some more practical tips to enforce confidence is by;
- Acquiring reference experiences (either real or trough visualization)
- Affirmation/Conditioning of empowering beliefs
In this part I’ve outlined some concrete examples on dealing with jealousy and therefore feel more confident.
Realize That You Are MORE Than Enough!
Jealousy is founded on insecurity and doubt. You think someone has something you don’t. This isn’t true at all. You have so much to offer the world others cannot. The only person that needs to believe in that, is you! You are beautiful, talented, funny, smart, freaking AWESOME! Don’t connect with people who don’t recognize this.
Realize That You Can Do/Achieve Anything!
Everyone you see in this world is cut from the same cloth. What another person can do, you can do to. This is fundamental! The only limits you have are self imposed. Start believing in yourself and let that radiate out into the world! It is impossible to love others if you don’t love yourself first. The world doesn’t need negativity! Be Love, Be energy.
Don’t Compare Yourself To Others
You are on your own way to become all you can be. Invest in your passions and hobbies to express joy and creativity. Get busy! It doesn’t fucking matter if person x is more muscular or better looking or has a nice car. You have so many things to offer this world. Discover your greatest gift and share it with the world.
Don’t bring the person you’re are jealous on down but lift yourself to greater heights (if your jealousy is reasonable)
Stop Living In The Past!
The only thing that counts is the now. Don’t compare your past experiences with old ones. They will only cloud your mind. Live from your heart and have faith. If you are afraid of getting hurt there never will be love. Because by definition love is being vulnerable. Be vulnerable, get hurt, move on and do it all again. This is a process of growth in which you will ultimately find what you’ve been looking for.
Recognize Envy And Talk About It!
You know it is harmful for your system. So don’t let the poison corrode you from the inside but let it out by talking about it with someone you can trust.
Only Rely On Yourself For Happiness!
Find out the things that get a big smile on your face and do these often! This could be anything as we are all very different and unique. This way you become independent and self-sufficient. Provide your own energy by doing the things you love.
Here are some of the things I do to focus more on my life;
Dance, listening to happy music, weight-training, poetry, singing under the shower, crafts, meditation, writing blogs like this ;), smiling (without reason), reading quotes about life here , walking in nature, trying out new skills, talking to strangers, doing random things, reading, painting,…
This are my ways to instant happiness. Feel free to share your ideas with me. :)
I hope I helped people to realize that envy isn’t contributing to their personal happiness and that they can easily overcome this if they really want to.
I hope you’ve realized that you don’t need anything external to be happy. You’re all that is needed, You’re everything. So go live your life to the fullest! If you’re having any thoughts or questions on this topic, feel free to share those with me in the comment section below.