“Persistence guarantees success. If you never stop bashing your head against a wall, one day you’ll reach the other side.
I’m late. Even later than my usual late :/
You know… life, rainbows and unicorns.
Therefore I’m just going to bundle my goals from the third and fourth quarter together (they’re very similar anyway).
Time for a
three six-month recap of my life; Let’s dive into detail of the things I’m trying, what’s working and failing and where I see myself heading for the future.
Today I wonder If I’ll ever reach a point where these logs become unnecessary and I have practically made it :/ No huge things left to strive for since all major goals in my life have been accomplished.
+ fun fact: I’m writing this in my underwear.
And I’m definitely thinking about you..
Anyway, let’s get on with it. You know the drill.
Time for another one of my quarterly reviews.
- Achieved (yey)
- Failed (kill him with fire!)
- Use f11 for full-screen.
Goals Q3 + Q4
> 85% MR Consistency (6:30 WU | 72D/84D) 77%
Had 77% morning consistency these quarters combined, meaning I woke up at 6:30 for 111 of the 144 required days (mo > sa). Still would like it to be higher but the amount of sleep (+-9h) I need is simply ridiculous. Sometimes I wish I could charge myself like electronics do, waay more efficient. I don’t move around much when I’m working anyway, I don’t get where all the fucking energy is going.
> Read 12 books (Personal MBA, Letters from a stoic, Ruby on rails tutorial, Elon musk biography, models, social skills guidebook, psycho cybernetics, 7 habits, rework)
Read 8; The personal MBA is a life-changer; It will be the single book that’ll have the most impact on my life quality in the next 3 years (in terms of running a business) than any other book I’ve read so far. Seneca was alright, although could have been more to the point. RoR tutorial was very specific for obvious reasons but it was GREAT for teaching me the core of the rails framework and made me more confident/comfortable in writing my own apps.
> Make Review Tape for each area
I find it important to have an integrated framework for continuously repeating the most important information. Therefore I’ve made audio tapes with questions that serve as a recall method to review the most important information; I listen to these when riding my bike, in the car or whilst taking the bus. Ex: What are 6 factors for happiness? What are my strengths? What does REST mean? Going to turn these into flashcards though using cram.com
> Do a 90-day no-touch. Meaning I don’t touch my dick for 90 days, not even dry orgasms.
Wanted to see if it would change my motivation even more in life. Failed this through willpower depletion :/ Meh. Still only do dry orgasms though.
I feel like I have an overall great grip on this area (note my smooth transition skills) when I’m doing all the stuff I’m supposed to. The only problems I have occur when I haven’t slept enough, which seems to be a problem I’ve solved this quarter.
I still write in my journal every day, plan my days and weeks in advance, listen to audio tapes which tell me how great I am every morning and evening! (you should have one too!.. But then about how great you are and not me. Otherwise that would be weird… or would it?), track highlights and achievements (daily and weekly).
Don’t feel like I’m overdoing it though and my life kinda feels organized “just enough”. Although it’s anally regimented when you’re looking from the outside in, it gives me great peace of mind to know I’m not forgetting essential information and always knowing “the best way” to allocate my time and energy.
The biggest thing I should be working on right now is finding a way to learn more systematically, I feel like my programming/learning is too fucking slow and has too many gaps between repetitions. Currently looking at buying some systematic books on learning, probably also going to be b/vlogging about tech on another site to speed my learning up even more.
New weird shit I’m trying;
- Making audio tapes in the morning of moaning women to harness sexual energy/become more motivated (doesn’t work for me, I just get turned on and distracted instead of focused/motivated)
- Listening to science fiction audio books in the evening using librivox app
- Making checklists for routine tasks like packing my gym-bag, buying groceries, setting up websites for cliënts and preparing for meetups. Helps to save some mental resources and makes you not forget stuff. You should ask yourself; which mundane, routine task you could I outsource to a checklist. It’s fucking magic.
- Bought subscription for Greg Plitt & downloaded all video’s <(^.^)> –> ∞ motivation!
- I’ve created a Google Drive map for all my book summaries, note that some of those are a bit dated or based on “old beliefs”. Maybe one can be of use to someone. Some are partially in dutch though :/.
Goals Q3 + Q4
> 75kg, 6% BODY FAT
Pretty lean right now since I’ve been cutting down this summer. Now going to reduce the time I invest into health to shift towards my career and get some solid financial results. Here’s a picture of my cut at its leanest, the meal plan I used to cut down and my current maintain mealplan (all based on the advice from Martin Berkhan). Last one is a picture from today, I’m trying to bulk up to 83kg and 8% BF slowly again.
> 7,5 average energy/week (7)
Better than last quarter still. I think I’ve settled on a diet, training regimen that I could maintain for a long time to come which will provide me with all the energy I’ll need to get great results in all areas of life. On the other hand I’ve discovered that the biggest determining factor for energy the next day is the time I power off my laptop and start my evening ritual. I’ve installed a program which starts at 20:30 each evening which automatically shuts down my laptop – great stuff.
> 80% Meal consistency (70% – 49 days of 70)
This one is new! Trying to track the days I actually stick to my food schedule. I’m not all that religious about my food. If I’m sticking to the plan for 5 days out of the 7 I’m happy. I never make exceptions for alcohol or fried shit though, that’s just toxic stuff. You’re better off eating a bar of plutonium then.
Still feel good and healthy most of the time and have plenty of energy to tackle the other areas of my life. Going to put health on “auto-pilot” for now and just maintain my current shape and diet. The forced power-down routine will have the biggest impact probably in the coming weeks when it comes to energy (if I respect it though – I shouldn’t be writing now).
Still don’t feel like my back is 100% ok though, but don’t feel like spending a shitload of money on treatments that will probably amount to nothing.
blablabla health is good. Not trying anything new here.
> Make 2000€ net/month
My biggest goal is becoming financially self-sufficient ASAP through selling my skills as a programmer/web developer/online magician. Only made about 250€ on average each month, most of it being affiliate income from the 67steps although freelancing/sidecompany has also been picking up lately.
> Relaunch new company website
Wanted to get more serious about developing and therefore my old website had to go. I’ve relaunched this in the beginning of September and will be the home-base for my most recent projects, articles on building a business/web-stuff. Maybe you’ll find this article useful if you’re running a company. I’ve had 2 freelance clients and 2 local businesses and made about 500€ so far from clients since September, currently have another one for a fixed project of 250€, which for me is a lot of money.
“Finished” my “education”. Worthless fucking time waste. The speaker on our graduation congratulated us about how “future-proof” our education as a personal trainer was – lol. Still nice pictures though :)
> Job In Ruby On Rails
Have applied to 14 companies, did 7 in-person interviews, took 3 technical tests and got no offers. I think it’s a combination of poor preparation combined with an unsystematic approach to building up my programming skills. Although I’ve been A LOT more systematic/prepared at the last 5 companies, my portfolio isn’t THAT special.
I believe I should just focus down more on systematic learning and building up a better portfolio to have a increased chance at a permanent position. Probably needing to get a part-time-job pretty soon. It has been more discouraging than I’d like to admit, especially considering the time and energy I’m fucking pooring into this.
– Buy modafinil batch
Going to stay of the stimulants for now and try to do some normal work without being a jittery retard.
– Laptop upgrade
Switched to Linux instead of windows for programming, windows is a fucking nightmare for web development (nothing is compatible). It just sucks that onenote won’t play nice with Linux, and therefore can’t sync or add file attachments to my docs. Yet crappy onenote is still better than no onenote (or worse.. evernote).
– 2 Ruby meetups (||)
I don’t know, people keep talking about all these benefits of mentoring/networking with people who are already a lot longer in your field but I don’t seem to be getting much out of it. I feel like I advance my career a lot more and faster by simply studying and building new shit than talking to people in my field. Is networking overrated?. Or maybe overrated in a field where your main economic value are your actual skills?
Yey real life is starting!
Now this is where I’m sucking at right now (everyone really). I’ve become increasingly better at programming and am able to write some pretty complex stuff but noticed the barrier to entry for a junior development job is pretty high (especially since I have a non-technical background). But I’ve also been focusing down probably on the wrong way to build up a portfolio/skills because my skill-learning is FAR from systematic enough.
The ultimate plan right now is to become a freelancer and move to Thailand for a while whilst
going full YOLO in the sex culture generating money online through freelancing like I’m doing now and launching several software products in my spare time. If I look at the lifestyle some of those people live, it looks like something I’d enjoy! Something like this guy and this guy are doing.
From the start of January I also pay a fee to my mom to live at home, which brings my monthly costs to 625€ (I pay everything myself, like a big boy.)
Here’s my main focusing points for building up my career;
- Finishing up projects for local cliënts (wordpress websites)
- Getting a half-time job to pay bills (2 days/week)
- Freelancing through upwork
- Daily fucking practice (4h) with a systematic plan for learning web development from a-to-z
- Making videos/tutorials about tech on truetech (learning through teaching) + video skills (talking & editing)
- Making flashcards on essentials
> M&N weekly meetup (missed 5 weeks)
I have two close friends I wanted to do physical meetups with, each other week and missed 5 weeks.
> At least 1 boardgame/social meetup each other week on average (8/12 weeks)
I got a social hobby to regularly practice social skills in an activity I enjoy.
Have been putting my social life heavily on the back burner. Feel like we’re each more or less going our own way in life. At the moment, to maintain somewhat of a social life, I just do board-games on Tuesday and meet up with a local friend on Thursday and do a close friend meetup on Saturday. (not all weeks though).
Had sex with a girl on vacation and kissed 1 other one when going out. Not investing time into dating at this point.
> Prague w friends
Went to Prague.
- “Reading the great thoughts of the great in history, you will soon find yourself walking besides them, amongst their ranks” It associates your “being” with their level. Contrast will pull me up to their level
- Appreciation/gratitude = equilibrium between self improvement and self acceptance
- On getting things done; most of the stress comes from thinking you’ll forget stuff instead of the stress of all he things that need to get done. (writing things down gives you peace of mind)
- Don’t be jealous on people who have it easy. We’re all equally governed by laws of nature. Every person (needs to) learn how to handle pain, experience hunger and thirst, grow old with dignity, be ill, suffer loss, suffer adversity and repeated failure, doubt from others and the self, learn patience, balancing dreaming, planning and executing, relating, connecting and convincing others, determination and drive during setbacks and finally dying. There’s no shortcuts nor escaping that. If you have it hard, see it as a lesson in reality you’ve had the chance to learn early on and for which others will have to pay later in life when responsibilities and consequences are bigger.
- The less I write, the less I think. Externalizing through writing/speaking help me to greatly (exponentially) solidify my thinking.
- There are extremely few significant threats in your life, yet you’re afraid of all the wrong ones.
- Check the box (give yourself a chance) Make the difference (if this is impossible, AT LEAST do 1)
- Be the person doing the uncomfortable stuff, always. Become a fear-chaser and comfort destroyer for all areas which are required.
- The biggest stacks of gold are at the bottom of the biggest piles of shit.
- Move upmarket (have a product/service catered to people who actually have enough money. Don’t race to the bottom)
- There’s only so much that you can do to improve life quality in one area. At some point it starts to negate/sacrifice other parts
- If you stop, everything else will. Think of yourself as a torchbearer who guides people through a dark corridor, if you stop for too long your torch will simply burn out and if you are blind, so is everyone else.
- Plans are useless by themselves because we always grossly underestimate the time for completion. But planning is invaluable as it helps you understand requirements (what is necessary for achievement), dependencies (what the prerequisites are for each step), actions needed to take and risks needed to be avoided through mental simulation
- Only the weak are cruel and envious. Be the fucking person who can be genuinely happy for the success of friends! Find ways to fix it!
- You run away in fiction to escape from a life you don’t like.
- You are never truly able to fully exert yourself. Human performance is capped at the hardware level to keep some gas in the tank.
- Women have a fear/love relationship with strong men. They like a strong, self-directed guy who is able to take charge and dominate her but are afraid to become vulnerable too fast since that’s an incredibly easy position for them to get hurt. (Had a date with a girl who carried a knife with her)
- Admiration = being a strong man (respect) + caring about the other person (affection)
- Sometimes relationships become more about managing stressful situations and lose the spark, no matter how much you dream! && a lot of the self development stuff involves leaving your family behind in one way or another – which is not an option for many of us. – comment on my blog a while ago.
- A few hours spent in evaluating/planning can prevent months and even years of wasted effort.
- Difference between who you are and the ones you admire are the books you read
- Rapidly acquire marketable skills & charge for them.
- Hard work isn’t rewarded, smart work is. There is a huge cultural admiration for hard work and being busy; I believe that’s ungrounded and plain stupid. There is 0 value in doing something the hard way. The economy solely rewards high quality output at the highest possible speed. There are no checks being handed out for cutting your lawn with scissors when you could be using a machine. Leave the socially conformed mindset of artificial busyness, email compulsion and social media posturing and get some real work done.
- Your user is lazy and retarded. Don’t make him think (on UI design)
- You’re frustrated in your results only because your mental model (your representation of reality) is inaccurate. Why are you frustrated when all you have to do is improve understanding?
- Being uncomfortable in social situations & saying something stupid are things that happen to everyone and is inevitable. Just aim to become socially functional. You can get through most social situations with nervousness and get solid results – it will NEVER completely ruin it. The less you care about the consequences, the less it’ll control you.
- Your mind doesn’t give much weight to the conclusions you come to without evidence backed by real life experiences
Here’s something I wrote a few weeks ago when I needed to vent, it represents pretty accurately how I’m feeling about my life right now;
Generally: can’t say I genuinely love the way my life is going right now. I don’t feel at ease/comfortable with who I am nor where my life is going right now.
I’m afraid, very afraid.
Most of the days, most of the time. (about getting a career going and actually financially supporting myself)
Which I channel into hate which I use as fuel to propel myself “forward”. Constantly postponing living to make room for working now. I don’t necessarily enjoy the things I’ve committed myself to (going to the gym, playing boardgames, programming, running my side-company) – then again if you’d ask me; “hey Simon, what do you really like doing in your life?” you’d probably be met with just a blank stare. As I really would not have any fucking clue. I’m just not thinking that way right now.
I feel my life in on autopilot. Every week I (routinely) meet up with friends without having something new to share, nothing has changed and nothing has happened really. What do I do? The same things each and every day;
Wake up, do morning shit, drink coffee & take stimulants, program (aka feel like a complete and utter retard), have food (best part of the day), do some more and then just channel my self-loathing and anger by lifting weights and looking at myself angrily in the mirror. Maybe some (forced) meetups in the evening where I feel uncomfortable because of this pent up frustration. Repeat.
So, what’s left to talk about?
There’s no use in talking about your problems as people generally can’t do much to make a difference, next: you’ve got nothing new/interesting to talk about since nothing in your life has changed and there are no achievements you want to share because you don’t want the meetup to turn into a dick-measuring contest.
But what’s even worse is that I truly believe it’s supposed to be this way. Like it’s a prerequisite for where I want to go.
I generally don’t care about the follow-your-passion/chase your dreams crap the “motivational speakers” tend to go on about. It’s the biggest lie that makes our generation very under-prepared for reality. I believe in doing what should be done to get what you want out of life. Whatever that is or how uncomfortable it makes you.
Go where the rewards are eh?
But somethings’ got to give right now. I feel like I’m pooring the best years of my life into something that’s never going to give me rewards and it makes me degrade other parts of my life (eg making sacrifices for no rewards). I constantly wonder if there aren’t less excruciating ways to financially support myself and maybe I’m making it too hard and I should just be selling crap ebooks on Kindle, doing Amazon FBA or releasing yet another info-product on the self-development market.
Then again, do you really want to be that self-dev guru whose sole form of income is his info product teaching you how to make money by selling info products #infoproductception? I want an actual skill to rely on and not create dependence on some external system like Amazon.
I’d also love to focus more on dating. It’s still not “out of my system” like I’d want it to be and I’m just pushing it further back because I believe self-enforced programming is a better way to spend my time (god knows why) than chasing acceptance/validation whilst clearing my cache off emotional bullshit and shame from my youth.
Would like to immerse myself into this pretty soon in the future. I want my life/personality to feel like there’s nothing left on the “table of shame.” Everything out in the open, if that makes sense?
Writing this down helps somewhat. Expressing things I don’t express often enough.
Also: I hate my brain. I feel like having a deep understanding of how the world and people work, makes everything seems so fake and predictable.
Salesmen trying to induce “scarcity” in their offering results in me simply hanging up the phone. People who don’t have their life together posing in the gym with broad gestures and big tattoos whilst being the champion of all staring contests. Feeling attracted (read: distracted) to women with vacuum-sucked yoga pants I see passing by and seeing it as pointless “genetic directions” which don’t make sense in this world anymore. Why procreate? Because my genes tell me to?
Let’s not think with penis today, ok Simon? Let’s use head this time! We need money, so we need focus!
Solutions, not problems. I get it.
80/20 YOLO rule, achievement reflection, highlight archive and so-on. I know, I fucking now.
I got self-development shit coming out of my ass left and right. What do you think I’ve been writing about the last 3 years? Still it is what it is. Just how I perceive my life right now.
Currently could use some more variation, more vulnerability with people (or just more people in general) and overall some more financial independence. Besides that, the rest is staying really. Not a complete overhaul but a slight tweak.
So that’s it for now. My goals from last year will be for the most part rehashed a bit. So – although there’s a LOT of red stuff in my yearly goals this year and it overall feels like I’m at the same position as I was last year – I’m purposely going to accentuate the good.
There’s no use in walking around with a vision of where I “should” already be. It only drives me insane. Focus on the positive and actions you can control.
So, what was great about 2016? What were the fucking wins?
- I’LL NEVER HAVE TO WASTE MY TIME IN SCHOOL EVER AGAIN.
- Fixed my back injury for at least 85%.
- People are paying me good money (25$/h) for doing web stuff.
- I have the most complete OneNote archive on the planet for managing every area of my life. + a systematic way to rapidly acquire new skills.
- I have an overview of the last three years in pictures and written journals.
- I have a clear way to set goals, track results and adjust when necessary.
- I’m in GREAT fucking shape.
- Started my own company.
- SHARP programming skills in Ruby.
- Had a ton of great experiences with close friends, made some new friends and reconnected with some friends from highschool.
- Approached, kissed and had sex with the most amount of girls I’ve ever had.
- Became socially a lot more relaxed and comfortable in big groups.
- Read, summarized and implemented 19 high quality books.
- I’m persistent, and have a very very thick head.
Looking back, what would you have done differently in 2015?
- Find a way to learn more systematically. Your income depends on the speed at which you’re able to learn complex, in-demand skills. Know your brain and use it to your advantage.
How’s that for gratefulness. Talk to you soon.